'Why did you steal the plums?' I asked my eleven-year-old son. 'To stop the wasps getting them', he replied, poker-faced. Quick wit saved his bacon but the real reason for scrumping my prize fruits was that ripe plums are just too delicious to resist.
Pick them when soft and plump, with a flawless bloom over their translucent skins, eat them on the spot, under the laden tree and you get an impression of what life might have been like for Adam and Eve. You can buy plums anywhere, of course, and at most times of year. But in shops and markets, British plums will have been picked semi-ripe, bundled into boxes and transported for miles. They'll mature on the shelf, but look and taste completely different from the beauties my son pinched.
Garden-grown plums are unsurpassable. Varieties such as the purple 'Marjorie's Seedling', amber-fleshed 'Victoria', rotund 'Oullin's Gage' and syrupy, old-fashioned greengages all have memorable flavours.
Chrome yellow 'Pershore' plums ‘make excellent jam or chutney and for puds or fools with tartness and character, one must have damsons or bullaces. TASTE NOW, PLANT LATERYou might find containerised plum trees for sale in garden centres, now, but August is a month for tasting, rather than planting. Furthermore, as with all fruit, it's better to buy trees from a specialist nursery.
Fruit nurseries have a wider range to choose from, than garden centres. Many will suggest varieties to suit your garden's conditions and advise about rootstocks. Plums are grafted and their growth habits depend on which stocks have been used.
Apart from the technicalities, a plum is a personal thing and planted for the long term. My son is now in his thirties but the tree from which he scrumped still bears, so it's important to make the right choice. You can garner knowledge from the experts. Brogdale Farm in Faversham, Kent, houses the National Fruit Collection and that includes 350 varieties of plum.
Ted Hobday, Brogdale's Chief Guide, says: 'If you take one of our guided tours at the right time, you can ask as many questions as you like and taste some of the plums as well'. Experts can also talk you through the mysteries of Pollination Groups. That may seem complicated, but it isn't.
To bear full crops, some plums - and most apples and pears - need to cross-pollinate with other varieties which bloom simultaneously. Pollination or Flowering Groups are lists of varieties which do exactly that. You'll need two or more trees, in compatible groups, to guarantee plums, or, you can select naturally self-fertile varieties such as 'Czar', 'Giant Prune' or 'Victoria'.
FANS PIXIES AND PYRAMIDSWhen you've chosen your plums, the next step is to decide how to grow them. The simplest method is to plant free standing trees. Books such as the RHS Encyclopedia of Gardening will explain, in detail, how to prune them.
However, if you plant them and abandon them, once established, they will still produce fruit and you're unlikely to get arrested for plum-neglect. Pruning simply optimises production and enhances health and vigour.
Pruning new trees also ensures that they develop even, productive shapes. The aim is to encourage a rounded or pyramid shape by cutting back the main stem to stimulate growth in the side-shoots. This is a winter task, done in the first year after planting.
If you plant to grow plums against a sunny wall or fence, careful pruning and training will be essential.
You can buy young trees already fan-trained, however, making it simple to start them off. Thereafter, you prune to maintain the fanned arrangement of branches and ensure an even spread over the vertical structure.
For small bush or pyramid trees - or for growing plum trees in large pots - select varieties grafted to a dwarfing rootstock such as 'Pixy'. Fan trained trees are usually grafted to 'St Julien A' and if you want big, half standard trees - the kind you can sit under for shade - go for 'Myrobalan' or 'Brompton' rootstocks.
But planting time is months away. The immediate task is to see, touch and taste ripe plums now and order the trees for autumn delivery.